| The Adoption Option Committee's annual newsletters –
Fall 2004 Download
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Contents
Adoption Option Committee, Inc.
P.O. Box 24132 • Minneapolis, MN 55424 • 952-944-0866
Web version of the Newsletter
 When
I was 18, I found out I was pregnant. The father was my boyfriend,
Delfino, whom I had been dating for two years.We found out we were
going to have a son and we were both very excited.
For the first six months of my pregnancy things went pretty well.
Delfino and I began to plan for our future as parents. However,
in the middle of January Delfino got in trouble with the police.
He was arrested and jailed throughout my whole pregnancy.That changed
everything. A week after the arrest, the unthinkable happened. My
father passed away.He was 78 years old and had suffered from diabetes
and congestive heart failure. I remember visiting him two days before
he passed away; he couldn’t talk or move.
After my father’s death I began to consider adoption. I was worried
that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my son. My mother was also
not doing very well emotionally or physically. She suffered from
anxiety and depression. In March after undergoing surgery due to
a fall,my mother went into cardiac arrest and passed away.Now I
was completely alone. In a matter of three months I had lost the
love of my life, my father and my mother.
Now I was certain that I would not be able to parent my son. After
much thought and consideration, and after working with the Children’s
Home Society, I decided to meet a prospective adoptive couple. Mary
and Joe had met in Mexico. Mary was from Canada and Joe grew up
close to where I did.The day I met them, they reminded me so much
of Delfino and me. Mary is very talkative (like me) and Joe is an
observer (much like Delfino). However, unlike Delfino and me, they
were well established. After meeting them, I felt that they would
make excellent parents for my son.
On April 29th, 2002, I gave birth to Carlos John (now named John
Carlos.) He is “Johnnie” to his new family. I was the happiest I
have ever been when I gave birth.
That turned to sadness two days later when I left the hospital
without my son. Johnnie went into foster care because Delfino had
put his name on the Birth Father Registry and was opposing the adoption.
Delfino later decided to consent to the adoption. Johnnie was in
foster care until August. His adoption was finalized in December.
Now I see Johnnie once a year and receive letters and pictures
twice a year. He just turned two and we all met at Como Zoo. I love
seeing my son and it makes me very happy to see how happy he is.
I love Johnnie more than anything in the world, but I do not regret
my decision. I did what I thought was the best for him at a very
difficult time in my life. I believe that I am a stronger person
for having experienced what I did in my life.
Currently I am attending college and I am looking forward to a
career in social work.
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AOCI Board Members recently met with Laure Krupp, Executive Director
of Safe Place for Newborns, to discuss our mutual interest in the
health, well-being and best interest of children. The organization
provides a mother, who might otherwise abandon her newborn, with
a lifesaving option. She may bring her unharmed newborn, up to 3
days old, to any hospital in the state of Minnesota — anonymously
and free from fear of prosecution.
The hospital will provide any needed medical care. They will contact
the Department of Social Services, who will assume custody of the
baby and follow normal child abandonment procedures. These procedures
vary by county, but most generally the (abandoned) baby is placed
in a temporary foster home. There is a waiting period, again varying
by county, during which time a parent could reclaim the child. After
a waiting period, the baby is eligible for adoption.
Safe Place for Newborns began with a group of parishioners from
the Cathedral of St. Paul. With the encouragement of Archbishop
Harry J. Flynn and the support of Dakota County Attorney James C.
Backstrom, nationally recognized for his pioneering crime prevention
programs, the program was launched in Dakota County, Minnesota on
January 6, 2000. Attorney Mike Hatch lent his support to SPN as
well. In April 2000, SPN became Minnesota law.
“Safe Place for Newborns exists to save the lives of newborn babies
in danger of abandonment”. You may contact Laure at 612.317.2895
and access their web site at: www.
safeplacefornewborns. com.
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Grant Quote from a Social Worker:
“In
meeting with [the birth mother]
and her parents, I can see that this
pregnancy has been a life changing
experience for [her.] She has been
able to reevaluate her life and has
moved away from living on the
street and partying, to a life where
she wants to go to college and
succeed. The adoption process is
just one more thing that will make
her a better person as she continues
to achieve the goals she has set for
herself.”
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Why do so few - about 1 percent – of the American women facing
an unplanned pregnancy make an adoption plan? Obviously, many
factors go into such a lifechanging decision. However, ignorance
about adoption should not be one of them.
Making sure young women understand adoption as a valid, loving
choice is the goal of a new initiative begun under the umbrella
of the AOCI. The initiative is a strategic public education
program, using sophisticated marketing and public relations
techniques to reach women with positive messages about adoption.
The project is still in the early development stage. It was
brought forward to AOCI by adoptive mother and public relations
practitioner Jenny Eldredge of Minneapolis. Eldredge is a
new AOCI board member.
While countless people work every day to help young women
understand adoption, no widespread public education campaign
exists to shape opinions about adoption in the minds of young
woman or the people who influence them.
There are general messages about adoption, such as a new
campaign produced by the National Council For Adoption. However,
that campaign is not focused specifically toward young woman
and, as a public service announcement, it relies on the generosity
of media outlets for placement.
The new AOCI initiative has received seed money from Caritas,
a ministry out of the Cathedral of St. Paul. It also has the
support of the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis.The
next steps include finding an advertising agency to take on
creative design of the campaign as a pro bono project, as
well as fundraising to secure funding to cover the costs of
advertising.
The goals are high, but the need is great.And AOCI believes
that the many people whose lives are touched by adoption will
come to the support of this project. We’ll keep you posted
as the project takes shape. For more information, please contact
Jenny Eldredge at 612-866- 1255.
A recent grant involved a birth father who registered with
the state and subsequently contested the placement. This forced
the birth mother to take the baby out of foster care, where
it had been for 6 weeks, and parent the baby for 7 weeks until
he had a change of heart and consented to the adoption. This
from the social worker, “During this entire period, [the birth
mother] remained strong and focused on what she wanted for
her baby. I have only praise and admiration for [her] strength
and focus on providing the very best for her baby. It would
be very helpful for [her] future if a grant could be provided
to assist with her college costs.”
At the end of our fiscal year in March 2004, we had given
out 29 grants for a total of $8864.75.These grants were received
by 27 birth mothers and 2 birth fathers. The ages of the recipients
ranged from 14 to 35, with the largest number falling in the
18 to 20 year old range. The monies went mostly to rent(9)
and medical expenses(9), followed by education(5), living
expenses(2), medical/living expenses(1), and the final three
going toward specific requests.
There continues to be a need for this kind of financial help.
Often a few hundred dollars can make a huge difference for
a birth mother as she makes an adoption decision. Thanks to
our generous donors, we feel fortunate in being able to fill
the void in this unique niche. |
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Grant Quote from a Social Worker:
“[The birth mother] placed her daughter
for adoption in [late] 1995. She
completed her college degree and
has been a continuing supporter of
[the agency] and adoption ever
since. [She] has also been a mentor
to many pregnant young women.”
“We
still have so far to go. Every 36 seconds, a child is neglected
or abused; every 41 seconds, a baby is born into poverty; every
59 seconds, a baby is born without health insurance; every minute
a baby is born to a teen mother and every 3 hours a child is killed
by gunfire. Those facts are not acts of God but a result of our
moral and economic choices as a society. We can and must change
them. But it will require a powerful transforming movement to change
national values and priorities.”
Quote from Marian Wright Edelman,
Director of the Children’s Defense Fund
Follow-up statement from our president,
Mary Lou Stewart:
“We
understand that a powerful transformation of society will not occur
through the adoption option alone, but it will go a long way toward
promoting happy, healthy children living in dependable, stable,
secure homes. AOCI seeks to be part of that endeavor.“
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The Infant Adoption Awareness Training Program of the National Council
for Adoption sponsored three-day Adoption Specialist training programs
throughout the U.S. to educate service providers who work with birth
parents in crisis pregnancy situations. The purpose of the training
was to help service providers gain knowledge and develop skills
to ensure that birth parents have the necessary information to make
a fully informed decision about making an adoption plan.
The Infant Adoption Awareness brochure describes the three-day
training as a program designed to provide in-depth information about
adoption, training in counseling techniques, and other topics including:
- the effects of adoption on pregnant women and their children
in the context of their social, developmental and personal needs
- current state and federal laws related to adoption, placement
decisions and procedures
- current practices and policies in adoption, including adoptions
handled by agencies and attorneys
- ways to assess the client’s interest in adoption
- techniques for providing information and support to the client
so that she can make an informed decision about her future and
the future of her child
The training taught service providers to discuss the permanency
options – raising the child or making an adoption plan – with birth
parents and to be supportive of their decision while not directing
the outcome. Information in the training was presented by the regional
Infant Adoption Master Trainers, videos and speakers including an
attorney who reviewed the local adoption laws. Discussions included
topics of the three sources of problems: humane and inhumane actions,
self-betrayal, qualities of relationships and legal aspects of adoption.
Funding for the training was through a grant from the U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services.
Kathryn is a senior social worker with Hennepin County Social Services
and AOCI board member.
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One of the challenging telephone calls a pregnancy help center
receives is one in which a pregnant woman contacts the center
in need of housing for herself and her unborn baby. At Metro
Women’s Center, a pregnancy help center in Crystal MN, over
50 such calls have been received over the last eight months.
Center director, Colleen Tronson, an AOCI board member, says,
“It is a tragedy in this state that there are only 2 or 3
maternity homes which meet the needs of a woman whose presenting
problem is homelessness due to a pregnancy. In Minnesota there
are numerous homes and programs for women who are domestically
abused, chemically dependent, or who suffer with mental or
emotional issues. However; if a woman’s only problem is that
she is pregnant and has been asked to leave her home by a
boyfriend, spouse or family member because of that pregnancy,
she is often without a resource to meet her need.” In an effort
to meet this critical housing need, Metro Women’s Center has
been working with individuals, businesses and communities
of faith to establish the “Amazing Grace Maternity Home.”
This home will house five pregnant women (ages 18 to 23) as
well as a live-in housemother.The home will most likely be
located in the northern part of the Twin Cities and will need
to be near public transportation and have ample parking available.
During their stay in the home, women will go through a decision-making
process regarding future plans for themselves and their babies.They
will learn about all options for managing their pregnancy
including: marriage to the baby’s father, adoption or single
parenting. Each woman will be offered opportunities to learn
important life skills such as: living with a budget, developing
career goals, and learning to maintain healthy relationships.
If a woman does not have a high school diploma or GED equivalent,
pursuing that educational goal will be a priority. Metro Women’s
Center has a goal of raising $200,000 towards starting this
home over the next 2 years. As of September 2004, $35,000
has been raised for the home. If you know of land or an already
existing home that would be available as a starting point
for this project please contact Colleen at 763-533-8642. If
you are interested in contributing to the project financially,
your tax-deductible gift can be sent to Metro
Women’s Center, 6418 Bass Lake Road, Crystal, MN 55428,
marked “Maternity Home Fund.”
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AOCI continued, with its heart felt messages, to visit high school
classrooms throughout the Twin Cities metro area. Our AOCI High
School Outreach Adoption Team made presentations to 360 students
at 18 high schools, middle schools or alternative schools. During
the second semester, the majority of schools visited in the fall
were repeated, due to positive reactions from juniors and seniors.They
were given the opportunity to hear true and personal accounts of
adoption and ask questions and receive honest answers.
Teachers and students alike commented that AOCI continues to have
one of the most anticipated presentations of the year. Every visit
prompted thank you notes from the students and their personal reflections
on how adoption has affected their lives, how their views have been
affected by what was shared and how they would consider it in their
decision making process should unplanned pregnancy arise in their
own life or one of their peers. This is what we hope to accomplish
when giving our positive adoption presentations to the high schools.
Partnering with Colleen Tronson for the 2003-2004 school year has
been a tremendously rewarding experience, and one of learning and
encouragement for me. The positive image of adoption has been a
seed planted and will hopefully continue on as myths are dispelled
and the adoption option is more openly discussed.
Grant Quote from a birth mother:
“I am very hopeful to receive a grant to
help financially with the 2004 summer
school. My goal is to maintain a B
average and dedicate my time
toward my school work. My plan is
to complete the Nursing (LPN)
program in two years or less and
excel in my courses.”
With the current interest in invitro-fertilization, there is understandable
concern for “left-over” embryos being kept frozen in storage facilities.Two
organizations are providing a way they can be utilized. One of them,
Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program (www.snowflakes.org)
is providing a loving, life-saving solution for genetic parents,
adoptive couples and their children. Another such agency is the
National Embryo Donation Center (www.embryodonation.org)
which is endorsed by the Christian Medical Association.
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